USA Captains Seek Advice From Obama

Team USA Captain Eric "Swayze" Silagy met with President Barack Obama on Wednesday this week to discuss team strategy, playing formats and prospective pairings.  Joining Swayze in the White House Situation Room for the meeting was Vice Captain Chris "Cudman" Van Horne.  

"Especially during this time of economic uncertainty," said President Obama in a statement following the 20-minute meeting, "Americans are looking for sources of hope.  A Quaich victory for the USA is important to the national psyche."

"I was proud of the American men's soccer team beating Scotland 5 -1 last weekend," continued the President, "I expect similar lop-sided results from our Quaich team next week."

"The President has always been a big supporter of the team," said Swayze.  "He offered encouragement and good advice.  We're ready to knock the Scots on their kilts."

Vice-Captain Van Horne, looking particularly heavy-set and bloated, was not as enthusiastic about the President's input.  "Obama was questioning whether it was a good idea to pair me and Sheets in the drunk round on Saturday afternoon," said Cudman.  "What a f***ing douche!  Doesn't he know we're undefeated as a team after a few Red Bull & vodkas?"





US Captain Silagy in the White House situation room


  

Team USA Confident Despite Fabric's 11th Hour Cancellation

When Bret "Fabric" Baier backed out of the Quaich at the last minute, many felt it would be a set-back for Team USA.  But USA Captain Eric "Swayze" Silagy acted decisively, quickly filling the open spot with Quaich veteran Tony "T-Bone" Milo. 

Team Scotland was equally delighted to hear that T-Bone would be making a return appearance in the Quaich matches.

"I'll have a Dog's License waiting for T-Bone in Florida," said Ross "Rosco" MacCallum.

"Ah cannae believe Bret's out!," said Michael "Wee Mikey" Redford.  "Ma heid's pure loupin' o'er the tho' of actually winnin'."

"T-Bone is no Fabric," said Ian "Big Man" MacCallum.  "And everyone knows his 'complicated' love life will be a distraction for him next week in Florida."